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Be prepared for any sort of reaction, as the kids may take well to a fun friend (they have parental figures already) but the father might not take well to your responses when he is disciplining them or you may be tagged as an evil stepmom if the kids fail to accommodate you!Be mentally prepared for any response-swing on the spectrum, and tweak your strategy accordingly.It isn’t going to be easy to settle with someone who has had big ‘first-s’ with someone else – and all the more so, when the very same ‘someone’ would be around all the time.You will have to grapple with ego, attachment, and jealousy issues even when your boyfriend feels no attachment to his ex-wife, but nonetheless, is the mother of his children. You will have to bridge the gap between expectation and reality yourself Yep, if you presume that he’ll be able to give you two-three nights a week or always be available for flirt(ext)ation, think again.
Kids imply an inevitable involvement of the other parent figure in their lives and consequently, on your relationship.Are both of you willing to share the parental responsibilities of your kids together? Is parenthood the only reason you are drawn to each other?If yes, would that make for an effective long term relationship?But give him a minute or even twenty or perhaps, two dates to flush it out of his system. You have to respect his relationship with his children If a candlelit dinner is interspersed with several calls from kids who cannot get over Mooha’s death on their favorite TV show or need candy when dad gets home, do not get accusatory or miffed. You may, instead, opt for a more supportive approach so he knows that you are willing to try and are encouraging of his parenting habits.He will get to the point where it will be about the two of you. On the other hand, if he feels attacked by your responses/behavior, he will end it. You cannot escape the ex-factor Unless he is a widower, there is a mom lurking somewhere in the shadows.